Humour

On a particularly annoying morning when people were getting on each other's nerves for the silliest of reasons, like one guy punched another because he didn't like the latter's cauliflower nose, the boss of a music company had an unlikely visitor — a guy in a dark suit and even darker glasses, smoking a pipe. "Saara shaher mujhe Loin ke naam se jaante hai," he said.
"Aah, Loin, yes, yes," nodded the owner of the music company. "I am VIP Bonus. What can I do for you, sir?"
"I want to meet somebody," said Loin. "Somebody very important." He turned around and called, "Mona, zara idhar to aana." Mona was the big woman, holding a glass of Champagne and wearing a nightgown made of nylon. She ambled into the room, flashing a toothy smile. "Darling," she purred into Loin's ears, who immediately pushed her away.
"I have told you a zillion times not to whisper into my ears," he snapped at her. "It tickles me...Mr VIP Bonus, meet Mona, she is my rona." VIP Bonus drooled at her, "You are sooo..."
"Beautiful..." she leaned forward and whispered into his ear. "Huh, that ain't the word I had in mind. Hoarse was what I was thinking of. That was a pretty hoarse whisper." "Aah, Hoarse Whisperer, that's my favourite movie, too!"
"Mona wants to be a paap singer," Loin said. "And you will make her one, won't you?" "Paap singer? Oh, you mean Pop singer!" VIP Bonus wiped the sweat off his face and blinked. "But can you sing, Mona?" "No, she can't," said Loin dismissively. "But when has that stopped people from becoming paap singers?""But she must be able to sing something."
Loin turned to his girlfriend. "Okay, Mona darling, why don't you sing the song that won you a Crammy Award at the World Underworld Dons Conference." "Nooo, I feel shy," said Mona and bit her finger. Loin pulled out a gun and pointed it at her. "Why do you want me to do more paap, Mona? The last time you felt shy, I fired six bullets in the air and killed a few mosquitoes. How much paap will you make me do before you become a paap singer, darling?"
So Mona began singing the song that won her a Crammy at the World Underworld Dons Conference. "Johnny Johnny, yes pappa, eating brown sugar, no pappa, open your mouth, bang, bang, bang..." Mona started laughing out loud and then suddenly burst into tears. "I am sorry, Mr VIP Bonus, this song has such a happy ending that it makes me cry." She then noticed that even his eyes were watery. "See, even you have tears in your eyes."
"These are not tears, Mona. Your spit flies all over the place when you sing and some went straight into my eyes. By the way, this is not a song. This is a nursery rhyme."
"Not anymore," said Loin and turned the gun at VIP Bonus. "I wrote it myself. Now do you want more examples of her ample talent or are gonna sign a deal with her for an album." VIP Bonus looked baffled, "She can't sing to save her life, Mr. Lion."
"Yeah, but now she gotta sing to save your life." Loin poked the gun into VIP's nose. "Here's the deal - you make Mona a paap singer or I get Raabert and Mykal to kidnap your puppy. To make things easy for you, I have even chosen a name for the album - `Nursery Chrymes!'"

Thus Mona became a paap singer, with an album penned by Loin himself, who remixed popular kiddie rhymes to suit the angry mood of the `90s generation of paap music listeners - "Jack and Jill were ready to kill, after a little banter, Jack fell down, broke his crown, after Jill hit him with a hammer..."  Now you can only imagine how gory the music videos must have been of this amazing album called `Nursery Chrymes'...

Debonair

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