March '99

Article

PUMP  UP THE  BHANGRA
If you think Planet Hollywood cafes are hot, you ain't seen nothing yet. `Cause the lattest craze this side of the globe is the Balle Balle Cafe. Dedicated to the Bhangra fever, the first Balle Balle Cafe was opened in Mumbai last week. The brain (he has one, contrary to popular belief) behind this venture is none other than Daler Mehndi, in partnership with Malkit Singh.

The opening night was star-studded, with the who's who of the Bhangra world in attendance. Yours truly managed to get an invite as well, though it's something I now regret. Daler, looking jhatak in a bright yellow outfit with a green overcoat and turban to match, personally welcomed the guests. As I introduced myself, Daler nodded knowingly, "Ah, from mushik magazine no, that Rags On The Rocks." I just smiled and went on. Before the evening kicked off, the two partners introduced their "novel" idea.

In between all the questions I managed to shout, "What does it take to become successful in the Bhangra world? "Ah," said Daler thoughtfully, patting his turban. "Having a good sense of ishstyle is most important, no". Malkit nodded sagely: "A mushik video with nice-nice girls in small-small outfits also."

The crowd roared its approval and Malkit blushed coyly. "The lyrics must be very confusing," said Daler."Like our songs `Tunak Tunak Tun', `Tutak Tutak' and `Bolo Ta Ra Ra'. Nobody understands the meaning, so they become big hits." That's Bhangra for you, straight from the horse's mouth (though actually he looks more like a cow, no).

Suddenly a guy rushes on to the stage and falls at Daler's feet. It was none other than his little brother Mika. In-between sobs he thanked his bhaiya for giving him a music career and being his mentor, etc. It was an award-winning performance. Later we found out that Mika was actually trying to impress a movie director who was present there. It seems the music business is not going too well for him, what with that irritating nasal voice and all. Popular Bhangra artistes Nitin Bali and Bali Brahambhatt then walked on to the stage with a surprise announcement. While doing research on their family trees, they found that they were actually long-lost cousin brothers. To mark the reunion, Nitin declared that he would now be known as Bali Nitin. This news came as a great shock to Bhangra rapper Baba Sehgal and new kid Baba Khan. They were last seen tearfully rushing out arm-in-arm, to find out if they were related too. A late entrant there was Jassi, who dropped by for a

glass of lassi. Being fussy, he declined the night's speciality - pomfret gassi. This made Sukhwinder, celebrity chef for the nite, really jassy and he creamed fussy Jassi with a plate of the gassi. The whole incident was really very messy.

All this time Bhupi, in his tri-coloured pagdi, was busy proclaiming that Micheal Jackson loved his dance steps. For good measure he tried to teach everyone his latest dance steps, making a complete fool of himself. When someone accused him of copying Daler's dress code he seemed deeply hurt, and claimed the tri-coloured turban was meant to encourage the Indian cricket team to win the World Cup, and quietly slipped away.

Sukhbir and Hans Raj Hans then got into a dispute about each copying the other. To pacify everybody, Daler proclaimed that they were all united in the spirit of Bhangra, and insisted that every artiste should sing his/her favourite Bhangra number. So by the end of the night, we had enough Bhangra to last us a lifetime.

An announcement was made that plans were on to open a Balle-Balle Cafe in every city, and donations were being accepted. That got everybody to make a beeline for the door.

Sanjay `Sing' Santwan

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